I Don’t Want to Lose Her

If you had to think of the one person that you absolutely can not live without, who would it be? For me, it’s my mom, she’s my biggest supporter. I am who I am because of her. She supports me, right, wrong, or indifferent. She’s my lifeline, it’s funny because growing up, I could never do any wrong in her eyes. She always gave me the benefit of the doubt. She was so lenient with me and that’s probably because out of her four kids, I’m her only daughter. Although I tease her that my oldest brother is her favorite (he truly is), I do believe that she would walk on water for me, not only for me but for my kids, especially my oldest son.

I became pregnant as a teenager, I was only 16 years old and I thought to myself “she’s going to kill me” but it was just the opposite when she found out. She was so caring and so accepting and she never once said anything negative. She was the exact opposite of how I thought she would be or how I would be if it were my daughter. She was so calm, the only thing she said was that she wanted me to finish high school, being that I was only in the 11th grade. I’m thinking to myself, so she’s not gonna kill me, beat me, or put me out the house? Clearly this can’t be it? So no punishment whatsoever? I told her that I was sorry for disappointing her and she looked at me and stated “it’s going to be okay”. She never said anything to make me think otherwise. She scheduled me a dr.’s appointment and was there with me for every future dr.’s appointment to come. She was even right there with me when I delivered my son. To this date, she never displayed or verbalized any disappointment.

Because of my mom, I am the strong woman that I am today. She instilled in me not to worry about what others think of me and because of her, I walked those high school hallways for 9 months with my head held high. My mom is smart, strong, caring, forgiving, and definitely determined. She can do anything that she puts her mind to. She pushes my kids and I beyond our limits and she believes in us. She always made me feel that I was the best at whatever I did.

My mom loss her biological mom at age 7 and she always told me that she didn’t know how to be a mom because she didn’t have anyone to show her. My mom wasn’t perfect, but she did the best that she knew how with the cards that she was dealt and most importantly, she never gave up.

Throughout school, my mom supported me through all of my extracurricular activities. I played basketball and ran track and I promise you, she never missed a single game or track meet, always front and center cheering me on, yelling my name. She always believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself.

I’m now 44 years old and I have 4 kids of my own, I never had to put my kids in daycare because my mom was a homemaker so she was my own personal daycare. She would get up early mornings and come to my home to watch my kids so they didn’t have to leave to go out in the cold or bad weather. She even babysat for my friends to help them out as well. I had many hardships and she was always, always in my corner, reassuring me that everything would be okay. She made my biggest issue seem as if it were so small. I only recall getting two whoopings from her my entire lifetime and I’m sure they were well deserved lol.

Lately, my mom has been having some serious health challenges and the fear of me losing her turns my world upside down. I don’t want to lose her, I can’t imagine life without her. I know one day, that time may come but I’m not ready right now and probably will never be. She’s only 63, I still need her. I know she’s so proud of me, and I am equally as proud of her. Thank you God for choosing her to be my mom, no one else would put up with me like she does, absolutely no one. Please continue to strengthen her, I know, I’m selfish but I still need her. I don’t want to lose her. For those of you who have sadly already loss their mom, my heart aches for you. I can’t begin to fanthom the idea.

My mom doesn’t like taking pictures, nor does she like being in the spotlight but I want her to know that the spotlight always shines on her and I love her. She’s My Rock and My Shero. I am who I am because of her.

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